Independent Witch Assessment for Indian Point

Activists call for independent witch assessment. Having seen Blair Witch Project over and over again, many on the progressive left feel it is time to call for an IWA.
We hereby call for Governor Spitzer, and President-to-be Obama to assign a blue ribbon panel of clergymen from all faiths, especially shamans, to perform an Independent Witch Assessment, to determine if unseen and unholy essences are emanating from local electrical plugs due to imaginary spells and curses said to be centered on Entergy's Indian Point Nuclear Plant.

It is hoped the proper spells and incantations can determine if there are actually any "Nuclear Woes" at the plant, or if these are simply the malicious wishes of antinuclear cultists, hoping to close the plant, and install the world's largest Tofu factory and Hemp Farm at the Buchanan New York site.

Those wishing to volunteer as Tofu culturalists are advised to call 1-800-IMA-TOFU,
to submit past progressive rally attendance credentials, and make the appropriate donation. ($350 is suggested, children, $175...... Seniors, $155).

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NRC DESTROYS MINDS

In an effort to inform people, many facts about those agencies and businesses overseen by the NRC, are kept , transparently, in an online database. Each night at midnight, the NRC reading room is refreshed with all the trivialities of the previous day's operations, in some 300 facilities. Nowhere else, especially not in any other governmental agency, is such openness practiced.However, a cottage industry, or avocation, or clique (some would say cult of suspicion) has arisen, fed by speculations, guesses, and misreadings by compulsive types, who actually stay up until 2 A.M. , to read all this trivial crap, and in general try to inject it with much more somber overtones, dreadful implications, and paranoid connections than the stuff really warrants.And what do they do with it? They try to impugn NRC, the provider, they try to guess how they themselves might fantasy-quarterback the nuclear industry, and they talk of vast conspiracies.

In reality, they are lost souls, nutcase loners, misusing the public outreach meant to inform people, in order to create a hollow bubble of mock self importance, as bogus bearers of some doomsday message (which they glean from NRC's tea leaves.)

In this way, the nuclear industry, and NRC, can be truly accused
of having made people sick.
Mentally sick.